This recap of The Flash is going to be a little different because 1.) too many things happened that I’m not sure actually happened because I may have been buzzed from green St. Patrick’s Day beer and 2.) I’m much more interested in the events that reference the established history within the show and how those things might be undone in the future. You know, because — SPOILER ALERT — Barry Allen freaking ran into the past. He ran right through time, y’all. Before anything, I’d like to take this time for all of us to take a deep breath and remember that Cisco Ramon is okay. He’s alive. I mean, not right now, but he will be. He has to be! Right? We will all get through this together. Okay, here’s a picture of Carlos Valdes/Cisco with his torso intact:

Plus, no one else but Cisco will feed the meta-humans in prison if he’s dead, even though the PaleyFest panel made it seem like everyone on the team assumed someone else was doing that job. Oh and don’t forget the sizzle real reveals another Flarrow crossover where Laurel tells Cisco that she’s the Black Canary.

See? We’re good. We still have our main Nerd of Color thriving and making up names and creating weapons.

Weather Wizard and Detective Joe West

Clyde Mardon’s brother, Mark Mardon, is alive and seeking revenge on his little brother’s killer. We know who that is: Joe West. Mark is Weather Wizard 2.0; he has a wider range of meteorological powers than his brother including lightning, wind, hail, and probably balls of fire. Goodness gracious. Joe doesn’t want to tell Iris that he’s being “targeted by a revenge-seeking meta-human,” and Barry and Eddie agree to keep the secret. SMH. I understand not wanting to worry her, but Iris is a strong woman who deserves to know that her father is in danger and may not answer the phone one day because someone hail stormed him to death. How could she protect herself if the three men in her life don’t trust her enough with the information to prepare her for whatever freaky shit is about to come her way? Wizard 2.0 eventually kidnaps Joe and weathers him pretty badly. Apparently, Mark got real effed up and broke all 931,489,304 bones in his body. He is a psycho and wants Joe to feel the same pain, which looks gruesome as hell but also because Joe will still not take off that damn beanie. He ties Joe, broken and battered, to a pole on a roof with a view of the ocean, but not the kind of view that you pay extra for and are upset at the hotel if they try to swindle you by giving you the poolview; instead, it’s meant to be a view of his impending death because Weather Wizard is sending a tsunami to Central City. It’s bad. I start to remember every movie that involves massive amounts of water and how helpless humans are against hydropower: Titanic, The Impossible, The Perfect Storm, that one awful movie where that giant ship turns upside down… keep the list going in the comments section. Flash-wise, Barry’s only way of saving the city and stopping the Wizard’s tidal waves is to run fast enough to create a “vortex barrier;” the wall of wind would theoretically, protect them all from their watery deaths if Barry manages to run fast enough… this reminds me of Barry first speed challenge in the Pilot against the first Weather Wizard, when he “unwound” Clyde Mardon’s tornado. The stakes are a little higher, but once again the Flash must run circles faster than he ever has before.

Dr. Harrison Wells and Cisco (and Caitlin, kind of)

Everything is so effed up because the episode opened on Wells and Cisco watching Buster Keaton movies and talking about Cisco’s family issues. There’s an obvious trust and kinship between these two, and now I’m sad because APPARENTLY it’s all bullshit. Because Wells fucking murders Cisco. He vibrates his arm and shoves it straight into his chest cavity.

Cisco reveals his doubts about Wells to Caitlin, and she agrees to distract him at Jitters with coffee while Cisco digs into things that he definitely should not be messing with because Wells is a sociopath, dammit. It’s tense and uncomfortable, and Wells takes off his glasses exactly when the ominous music starts playing. Caitlin Snow’s eyes get bigger than they’ve ever been because she knows that bad shit is about to go down. Wells disappears from his wheelchair, presumably to run to Cisco and murder him.

Wells reveal that he is Eobard Thawne from the future. He’s been stuck in this time for 15 years ever since he traveled back with Barry because HE WAS TRYING TO KILL BARRY. I repeat, Wells tried to kill Barry Allen, and Nora Allen was just a side casualty. Cisco asks him why he’s been training Barry if he wanted him dead, and Wells reveals that he needs Barry like a key to unlock his ride back to his time.

In a heart wrenching performance from Carlos Valdes, Cisco silently cries during Wells’ exposition of betrayal; Cisco knows he’s going to die. I have faith that Barry will save him, but I’m excited to watch Wells’ and Cisco’s relationship on screen knowing that Wells would end his life without any hesitation. It’ll tinge everything with sadness (and anger and me yelling at the TV even more than I already do), but that’s what I love about the complexity of the Wells/Reverse Flash character.

Hopefully this time travel business will save Cisco. He needs to stick around. I have a good Vibe he will. #datflash #TheFlash @Tha_Los

— Erik (@TheELoominati) March 18, 2015

Barry and Iris (with Eddie and Linda on the sidelines)

The simmering WestAllen drama heats up to boiling pot of full on CW angst. We go through the full spectrum of romantic conflict during this one episode: trips down memory lane, flirting in front of significant others, overstepping friend boundaries, lots of jealousy and lies, and a heat of the moment kiss. YEAH, THEY KISSED.

I have lots of issues about how this played out, particularly the placement of the kiss itself RIGHT AFTER I WITNESS CISCO RAMON GETTING MURDERED. I was way too distracted and concerned, that I even missed out a lot of the conversation leading up to the kiss. Nothing will kill your WestAllen buzz like watching a favorite character cry because he knows hes about to be betrayed by his father-figure. I am pleased, however, that WestAllen kissed before Barry revealed to Iris that he was The Flash. That was good so there would be any doubt that Iris chose to admit her feelings before realising he was the red streak that she’s been obsessed with.

That being said: Iris, you do not wipe the face of someone else’s boyfriend. Barry, you do not stroke the face of someone else’s girlfriend.

You are both idiots, but I still love you. Poor Linda. Poor Eddie. Linda and Eddie seem to be the only two mature enough to talk about their feelings; Eddie told Iris straight up about his discomfort with the WestAllen vibes and Linda calmly revealed her irritation at Iris’s saltiness. Maybe Eddie/Linda should be a thing?

Time travel and Barry Allen

Barry sees himself as he runs towards the morgue crime scene, but has to get over it rather quickly because, you know, dead guy. When he asks Wells about it later, Wells tries to play it off as a “speed mirage.” Shut up, Wells. You’re already on my list. At the end of the episode when Caitlin tells Barry he needs to be fast enough to create a wind barrier to save the city from the tsunami cliffhanger, Barry goes balls to the (wind barrier) walls. He runs so fast that he literally runs into the night before. He runs. Into. The past. According to Dr. Martin Stein’s theories in the previous episodes, he blasted through the time barrier and now we have a MOFUGGING FLASHPOINT PARADOX. So, of course, Barry is going to mess around. Here are some of the things that could/should happen.

1. He discovers Cisco is dead and saves him. (PRIORITY NUMBER ONE.)
2. He immediately throws Weather Wizard into their superjail solving the tsunami + Joe stuff.
3. He prevents the Weather attack on the CCPD, thus preventing Captain Singh’s paraplegia.
4. He and Iris never kiss; she never learns his secret, but he’ll know how she feels.
5. He finds out about Wells. I have no idea what that will do, but it’s the only way he could save Cisco, right?
6. He’ll speed that girl trying to hail a cab so she won’t be late.
7. He’ll buy winning lottery tickets.

SUPER-QUICK THINGS:

• “Things have gone way past complicated.”  When Joe, Eddie, and Barry all learn from the tape recorder that Weather Wizard is going to target him for revenge, all of their faces are like, “OH SHIT.” I could not help but think that Eddie is freaking out because it’s his girlfriend’s dad, but also his work partner. Barry is freaking out because it’s his own foster dad and because it’s the love of his life’s father. It just made me realise how messed up they all are in relation to each other. Lawd.

• Eddie Thawne possibly becoming another Reverse Flash on the show. Using a romance with Iris gone bad as a reason to hate Barry may seem like an easy way to set up the rivalry between the two men, but I like it. There’s always the “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” trope, but, hey, love makes people do crazy things. All people! Even formerly chubby but now handsome as hell cops.

Eddie, have you REVERSE'ed your feelings about Barry? #TheFlash #DatFlash

— The Nerds of Color (@TheNerdsofColor) March 18, 2015

• Captain Singh x Singh’s Fiance. Central City is a progressive city accepting of all marriage. I will always love Captain Singh as a successful, powerful LGBToC, even though his fiance is looking a little bit young. You go, Singh, haha!

EASTER EGGS:

• Captain Cold. Detective Joe initially wondered if Leonard Snart/Captain Cold was responsible for the coroner’s icy death. Not this time, but he’ll return next episode.
• The Wizard’s Wand. Weather Wizard is usually depicted as using a wand… maybe he’ll find away to use the weapon to his advantage? Or maybe it’s just a fun Flash-verse change.
• Cisco has been bugging Caitlin to watch The Walking Dead. I personally think that Cisco should write TWD recaps for The Nerds of Color. #DemDeadz #NOCemDead

This was definitely one of the strongest episodes yet.The visual effects of the tsunami and the weather were stunning, as usual. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: the pace of this show is unlike anything I’d have ever expected from a Superhero TV show. We started off, literally, running, and now so many plotlines I thought I’d have to wait years for are panning out by episode 15! Smallville didn’t see progression like this until well into the second half of the series, and Oliver Queen isn’t even the “Green Arrow” yet. I have no idea what kind of season finale we’re in for.