Author Traci Saulsberry on Finding Meaning in ‘This is How You Love Her’

Traci Saulsberry sits with The Nerds of Color to discuss overcoming hardship and finding meaning throughout her life’s experiences in This is How You Love Her: A Journey to Radical Self Love.

Quotes edited for length.

Saulsberry offers an incredibly candid and self-aware look into the way that various experiences have shaped her life both professionally and personally. With a career that includes being a young Black executive at NBCUniversal while juggling motherhood and transitioning career paths, Saulsberry has created a book that is more than just passive, leisurely reading. It also serves as a workbook filled with thoughtful prompts that encourage you to engage in your own reflections and self assessments.

This book moved me in numerous ways. From relating to Saulsberry’s early-childhood experiences as being one of very few Black students in predominantly White schools, to learning about just how important Date Night is, I found myself feeling a sense of relief: some parts of my own life’s journey are real, valid, and I was not alone in my feelings. And while I was excited to speak with her about these aspects of her own journey, what ensued was a heartwarming conversation that reiterated just how important it is to slow down and tap into all aspects of ourselves, including the good, bad, and unique.

When asked about Saturn’s return and what it felt like pushing through some major life events in her late-20s and early-30s, Saulsberry shared that it was difficult, yet something that she realized others go through as well:

Saulsberry: I definitely had a Saturn’s return. Like, everything like literally blew up. It’s interesting once you have your version of that and then you start talking to other folks, who you start sharing your story, which is why it’s so important for us to share what we’re actually going through and not just give, like the highlights reel or make it seem one way. But it wasn’t until sharing that, then you start to hear other people’s stories of just a collapse. But everything that I had sort of built — this career, the version that i was trying to create personally of what I thought a happy life should look like — when all of that went away, I had no other choice. And I hope also that people see in this story it’s like when you lose everything… that really is a moment to build back up as the version that you want to see of yourself, you know, of who you really are. But at some point or another, I guess we all do have like a sort of crashing and that’ll look different for everyone.

Saulsberry candidly opened up about how she’s explored the question of “who am I?” along with dating yourself and the importance of journaling to identify what “that little girl or what that woman wanted.” An engaging, interactive, and thought-provoking read, This is How You Love Her shines in the ways Saulsberry takes you along her life’s story while cozily pushing you to reflect on the ways you can tap into finding love for and within yourself.

You can enjoy our full conversation below.