NOC Recaps The Flash: Hoodlums and Holograms

“My name is Barry Allen and I am the fas– nope, not yet.”

Now I know that there is a certain amount of suspended disbelief when it comes to this show, and this is one of those times when I can’t help but yell, “REALLY?” at my TV. In the absence of The Flash, Team Flash is using a hologram to trick the city and the city’s criminals into believing that Central City is still under Barry’s speedy protection. In reality, Cisco is using his Warcraft skills to control the projection as Barry runs around in a Tron suit. Iris is being as helpful as she can, but it’s just too damn ridiculous.

Harry Wells uselessy warns the team of Zoom’s world-conquering techniques. First he kidnaps people, then he kills police, and then he recruits metahumans. But nooooooo Cisco and Iris and Barry are busy video game-saving the city with a Flash Hologram.  Wells thinks the idea isn’t going to last. Wow, Harry Wells is the (dick-ish)Voice of Reason. This earth really is coming to an end… Harry was there! He knows! Why won’t anyone listen to him? It’s because he’s a Slytherin.

And they’re all too busy being Gryffindors.

Barry is lost and needs advice from more than his two surrogate fathers. He heads into the literal woods to find his biological Daddy, Henry Allen. He drives, and Daddy Allen notices. In less than three minutes, Barry spills his heart out.

Oh yeah, the man in the iron mask is definitely Henry Allen-2. It makes sense: we saw him suited up the first time Barry ran through the Speedforce Tunnel to Earth-2, and on Earth-2 Robert Queen is the Green Arrow. Oh, and Nora Allen-2 called their house because they were visiting Atlantis. C’mon. Daddy Flash does not like that Barry’s loss of powers seem to equate a loss of identity. He decides to move back to Central City with Barry.

At CCPD, Zoom begins the next step of his Manifest Destiny. The last time he showed up at CCPD, he flung Flash!Barry’s body around like a plush velveteen rabbit. He doesn’t kill anyone (yet) after Caitlin begs him not to. Zoom claims the precinct as his new Zoom lair and handcuffs her to a desk. Real romantic shit.

Stop trying to turn her, Jay-HZ.

At S.T.A.R. Labs, Joe + Harry + Henry hold the first Daddy-Con. Harry and Henry are on opposite sides of the spectrum, and Joe is the neutral member. They all argue over who luuurves Barry the most. Barry listens in and tells his dads that when he makes his choice, it will be his choice.

When Cisco vibes a vision of his brother Dante, he asks his asshole older brother to meet up to make sure that he’s safe. Yes, Dante is safe and he’s still a total bastard to Cisco. If you ask me, Dante is jealous of Cisco’s success. Dante consistently undermines him by making fun of his clothes, blaming Cisco for being kidnapped, and complaining about his nearly-damaged-by-ice hands. I know he’s broke: he makes Cisco pay for the bar tab. He follows Cisco out because he needs a ride (“from one of the company cars”), and Dante Ramon-2 attacks the both of them. On Earth-2, Dante is called, “Rupture” and he wrongfully- blames Cisco for Cisco-2’s death. Damn, Cisco is the punching bag of ALL Dante Ramons of all earths.

Team Flash tries to come up with a plan to stop Rupture/ Dante-2, and Barry is running out of ideas that do not involve another particle accelerator explosion. Iris finds Barry in front of the Fringe-Vacuum machine that Wells created; Westallen is rising.

Iris West reveals to Barry Allen that, lately, she’s had very non-platonish feelings towards him. All signs have pointed to them being each other’s destiny, and she has finally embraced that. I do not handle this confession very well as evident in my livetweets.

The CCPD hide behind the CC Jitters coffee counter and wait for the fake-Barry hologram to fake-kick Rupture’s ass.They just won’t quitwith this gotdamb hologram!  I don’t understand how it’s working, but I guess I’ll just go with it because I’m just waiting for Wally and Jesse to get fast. Jay-HZ realizes that Caitlin stole a cellphone from one of the police’s evidence boxes to warn everyone, and he’s pissed. He’s hurt. “YOU BETRAYED ME!” he yells dramatically as he flashes with blue lightning. C’mon, Beast, what did you think would happen? At least the Disney Beast let his Beauty hang out in the library and raid the talking kitchen.

Sigh. The only consistent character trait Caitlin Snow has had this season is her M.O. to protect Barry Allen.

Jay-HZ  runs to Jitters where the A-team of CCPD is assembled along with a Live Action News Team.  Zoom cracks all of their necks…  in a flash. The whole city watches. Barry stupidly runs out of the safe van (at normal human speed) to beg Jay-Zoom to stop because he’s made his point;  only Joe, Captain Singh, and Barry were spared. To further illustrate his “point,” Zoom kills his own henchman, Dante Ramon-2, for the cameras and tells the airwaves that the Flash is gone and hope is dead. Zoom orders Singh to tell the rest of his police force to stand down. Barry stares at Zoom in horror and helplessness.

“You’re only alive because of Caitlin. Try something like this again, and my affection for her won’t stop me from killing you or the rest of this city.” –Zoom’s warning to Barry

The next step for Zoom is to recruit metahumans from Earth-1. Apparently, if Earth-2 was bad, Earth-1 is infinitely worse because the particle accelerator wasn’t contained like it was with Wells-2. The anonymous  metahumans will start to reveal themselves after Zoom’s truth-bomb about the Flash being gone… and this is Barry’s final straw. He will no longer leave the earth unprotected by remaining powerless.

Harry has all of Wells-1’s notes to recreate the particle accelerator explosion. Something something science. Something something dark matter. Something something dark side.

On the roof, Cisco summons the lightning to strike Barry. I would totally ask Cisco Ramon to the Yule Ball. Wells also refrained from telling the team that he’d inject Barry with chemicals. And that he’s strap him into the machine like a Winter Soldier.

Barry is at the end of his rope. He loves his powers. He loves saving the world. This is his only hope… and it’s terrifying to watch.

Cisco returns to the roof in the aftermath of the explosion. All that’s left is a shred of Barry’s red suit. It’s heartbreaking watching everyone react to Barry’s disappearance; I mean, we as the audience know that Barry is alive and somewhere and cannot die due to the titular rules of TV, but they don’t know that.

(I do wish we got to see Caitlin’s reaction as well. Perhaps Barry’s death is going to unlock something in her and she’ll go HAM on Jay-HZ.)

Wally West and Jesse Quick: Young Justice

This is it. This is happening. They’re been dropping Grodd-sized hints to us all week: All of the Need For Speed references regarding Wally and multiple, gratuitous uses of the word “quick” whenever Jessie Wells is around… it was inevitable. AND IT’S HAPPENING.

The two youngins get locked in the Braille Rime Room of Requirement to “keep them safe.” They’re be SUPER safe. I’m SUPER fine with this. I SUPER think I ship it.

They keep facetiming the lab asking when they’ll be let out so that they can help, but everyone is like, “NO.” I happy dance. I’m ready for this.

They get hit by the anti-matter. WHILE RUNNING.

Gimme that lightning! Show me some sparks on their cheeks!

It’s happening.