“Crazy For You” opens in an upside-down car with two “ohmygod”-ing teenagers strapped down (up?) and trapped while electrical wires zap around, signaling to us that they are in trouble. It’s very Smallville/CSI/Teen Horror Movie, but I accept it; The Flash has always had a trope-ier tone anyways. Our hero zips in just as a powerline ignites the car’s leaked gas and creates a LITERAL RING OF FIRE around the inverted vehicle. Shit goes down real fast, but our man in red is even faster. The car bursts into flames like Ronnie Raymond, but Barry has already rescued the remaining victim. And the Central City Fire Department is all, “Okay we can take it from here, I think.”

But the two car crash victims embrace and turn to Barry. “Thank you… Flash.”

Barry smiles and nods, then flashes off. It makes me want to cry a little bit. I enjoy how Barry is refraining from speaking; it’s so mysterious of him, especially when we know that when he does speak while wearing his suit, he’s a cocky little dork (which we will see later).

Now Central City acknowledges and loves The Flash, and this gives Barry an extra spring in his step. No seriously, when Barry gets back to S.T.A.R. Labs, Caitlin tell him that it’s the fastest that he’s ever ran. It seems that his terminator training is working and our Flash writers are being consistent. I wonder if the town will turn on the Flash the way sometimes Gotham hates Batman and Starling City hated Arrow, or is Central City just shinier and better and more tolerable than everywhere else in the world? I want to live there.

It’s happy times and Cisco wants to celebrate, but everyone declines Cisco’s offer and acts a little bit lame — except Wells, who is literally lame (to everyone except the audience) and in a wheelchair and paraplegic and stuff — because Barry has a movie night with Papa Joe West (which is adorable) and Caitlin just doesn’t do things (which she admits to later).

We cut to our VOTW, Shawna Baez a.k.a. Peek-A-Boo portrayed by Britne Oldford. Her metahuman power is loving a man who is clearly a dick that takes advantage of her power to rob banks and lets her save his useless ass because of her ability to teleport to any location as long as she has a visual of where she’d like to go. She spyglass-smokes her way into prison, and breaks out her boyfriend, Clay Parker. She’s going to be an interesting nemesis because no matter how fast Barry has gotten, teleporting is obviously faster than running.

The next day while investigating the break-in/out, we get a surprise double daddy moment for Barry: Papa Joe had called in a favor and gets a special meet-up with Daddy Allen (who I cannot help but call Daddy Flash). It’s a quick visit (in true Allen fashion), but Daddy Flash implies that he’ll try and get some insider info with other prisoners.

We jump to Shawna and her gross boyfriend, Clay, in post-breakout, morning after “bliss.” Clay thanks metahuman Shawna, and she replies, “You would’ve done the same for me, right?” Clay is gross and doesn’t respond, but changes the subject. Shaking my head to see that home girl is so sprung on him and wanting to use her powers to get out of Central City and run away. He wants to use her powers to pay back his loans to a man named Marcus. Red flag number two, girl; the first red flag being that HE WAS IN PRISON. I wonder, does the episode title refer to Shawna?

After analyzing some teleportation-y, shadow residue to find out the identities of the two VOTWs, Cisco pays the Pied Asshole Piper a visit to further inquire about Ronnie. Of course, Hartley Piper Asshole only wants to talk about Thai food. I got a pad-thai for you, you arrogant Piper piece of shit. The Pied Piper is a dick, but a genius who manages to convince another genius to let him out. Pied Asshole does this by appealing to Cisco’s guilt and love for Ronnie:

“I know how much you looked up to Ronnie. He was like family.. family you built for yourself here. I know how much you want to see that family healed. Let me help you.”

Fuck the Piper.

At Critters, Westallen is on a BFF coffee date. Barry is all smiley because he had a double daddy date, but Iris is bummed because she might lose her job if she doesn’t get a new story on The Flash. Little “Save Iris” bells start ringing, and Barry perks up like the puppy dog that he is. “We will find you a great story to write about… together!” Oh, Barry.

Meanwhile back at prison, Daddy Flash feeds information to Barry and Papa West. The three of them together makes me as happy as Barry, even if they are talking about loan sharks and getting whacked. Barry doesn’t seem too pleased that Daddy Flash is playing insider-prison-cop for him. Barry makes him promise to stop. Obviously, he won’t… he’s Daddy Flash.

Cisco fashions a special pair of Piper handcuffs and lets the Piper¹ out of his cell to investigate the disappearance of Dr. Martin Stein. They come across a bomb shadow where Stein was the night of the Particle Accelerator accident, and the Piper can’t help but belittle and mock Cisco’s intelligence the whole time. Piper tries to beat up Cisco, but Cisco activates the Piper handcuffs that make the dick fall to his knees and make him beg for the pain to end. Good. But remember that piper is an evil genius, and now he knows Cisco’s tricks, so we know that he’s just restructuring his escape plan.

We get a glimpse back into S.T.A.R. Labs where Caitlin and Barry are completely unaware of Cisco’s side project. Do you know what Barry is aware of, however? Caitlin Snow’s lower lip.

DISCLAIMER: This is the part of the recap where I get a little crazy. I’m so fucking sorry, I really am. I’m still rooting for Westallen, but Grant Gustin and Dana Panabaker have incredible chemistry. The show needs to hurry and bring in baby Amell to flirt with Caitlin before I lose my mind with Snowbarry.

Barry knows something must be bothering Caitlin because of that damn lower lip, no seriously, he notices that stuff because holy hell, and Caitlin spills that it bothers her that Cisco thinks she has no social life… because she doesn’t; she literally lists off things that every normal human being does like cook and sleep and blink and turn oxygen into carbon dioxide. Barry laughs at her and it’s so sweet that I’m not sure if it’s real so I tweet to confirm the scene playing before my eyes.

…did all of that just happen? Is he still looking at her? ARE THEY FLIRTING AND TALKING ABOUT NETFLIX? #TheFlash #DatFlash #snowbarry

— The Nerds of Color (@TheNerdsofColor) February 4, 2015

Barry has, probably, the best and nerdiest line of the episode:

“My social life consists of running at superhuman speed and Netflix.”

And then Caitlin has, probably, the cheesiest and shippiest line of the episode: “We are quite the pair, Mr. Allen.” “Yes we are, Dr. Snow,” Barry replies.

WHAT? WHAT? IS THIS SCENE STILL HAPPENING? Snowbarry gets interrupted with a bad guy blip of our VOTWs robbing a bank, yet they continue with these crrrraaaaaaaazy looks and smiles at each other and inside jokes about Bonnie and Clyde and ruining the bad guys’ social lives. THIS IS STILL GOING ON, I KID YOU NOT. CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP.

Shawna and her awful man have suitcases of money and security guys at gunpoint, and I’m just like “GIRL. Stop.” I like Shawna; she’s sassy and her car has purple racing stripes on it. Barry shows up in his suit without speaking a single word, and the two of them share my favorite non-Snowbarry interaction of the night:

PEEK-A-BOO: Ah, I’ve read about you. You’re the Flash.

FLASH:  

PEEK-A-BOO: I’ve heard you were fast.

FLASH: 

PEEK-A-BOO: Let’s see if it’s true. * teleports * Catch me if you can.

Barry cannot. She keeps teleporting away, and Barry nearly gets shot. Don’t worry, you guys, he catches the bullet because he is that fast. All that Barry is left with is a barely-bullet hole boo boo on his neck. This show is fucking crazy.

So Dr. Snow patches up Mr. Allen, and Mr. Allen runs off to help Iris. Iris has not been thinking about her job endangerment the way Barry has because she and Eddie have a date. Barry realizes how pathetic he is, calls up Caitlin, and they make plans to go to a sketchy karaoke dive bar. YAAAAAAAS.

(Before I get into the drunken, Snowbarry karaoke goodness I must mention Cisco finding sketchy street footage of Dr. Stein getting Firestorm’d, and then Piper turning his soundwave handcuffs on him to escape. It’s embarrassing, for all of us.)

Barry and Caitlin still have no idea all of the side bullshit is happening, because they are proving to themselves that they have a social life! And they are over the people in their lives that they want but can’t have! And Caitlin has a Freakum Dress (just like Felicity)!

There's something about Barry that makes women break out their absolutely best Freak 'Em Dresses when in his company. #DatFlash #TheFlash

— hellresidentNY (@hellresidentNY) February 4, 2015

Caitlin gets white-girl wasted and chants for Barry to come onstage and sing “Summer Lovin’.” Of course she does.

White people LOVE Grease. #datflash #TheFlash

— Tony Snark (@Latinegro) February 4, 2015

Barry Allen channels his inner Glee kid and is perfection with a microphone. Caitlin is not. His pipes catch the eye of a girl at the bar, Linda Park portrayed by Malese Jow. (I’d like to mention that I thought that they’d hook up this episode, but I guess I have to wait until next week for Barry Allen to completely catch Yellow Fever.) Linda is smooth and gives Barry her number via fancy app. She is so smooth².

Caitlin reaches the ugly part of the night. Barry speeds her home and gets her out of her Freakum Dress and into her pajamas. He definitely sneaks a peek. There’s something about Barry Allen and awkward bras that I love.

The next morning, Caitlin is hungover as shit. Barry teases her. I love it… until Cisco bursts the Snowbarry bubble. He let the Piper Asshat escape because of his Ronnie guilt. But that’ll have to wait because Barry receives a phone call that his (biological) Dad  got stabbed in prison. So Barry gets a name from his dad and does work. He flashes the Axl Rose lookin’ stabber outside of the fence and leaves him to be found, thus extending the dude’s sentence. Don’t mess with the Flash family.

Take notes, kids. That's how a nerd tortures someone. #DatFlash

— ⚔️ Kozzer Söze ⚔️ (@SirKozmo) February 4, 2015

After that personal business is done, Team Flash learns that Shawna and Clay paid back the $80k and are making their escape. Suited-up Barry stops them in a tunnel and destroys every single light bulb in order to limit Shawna’s field of vision, rendering her powerless. And guess what? Clay ditches her and runs away.

By the way, the lightning artwork in this scene is, once again, brilliant and beautiful.

As they lock up Peek-A-Boo, Cisco promises never to let another prisoner escape. I’m still confused about this S.T.A.R. Labs underground prison, btw. Snowbarry have their final big moment of the night and make a semi-sorta-pact to move on from Iris/Ronnie. Caitlin has a gleam in her eye, and I cry, “OH NO!”

"Time to go crazy over someone else." Yes, Caitlin. Break out some more of those Freak 'Em Dresses and put them to use. #TheFlash #DatFlash

— hellresidentNY (@hellresidentNY) February 4, 2015

To remind us that the main pairing of the series is Westallen, Flash gives Iris an inside scoop about the Iron Heights Prison escape, and she manages to get a photo of him running. I guess she used the new iPhone burst app or something. Non-suited Barry drops by the newspaper office; Iris thinks he’s there to see her. She assumed incorrectly, and it’s embarrassing… Barry has a lunch date with Linda. “You’re our new stringer, right?” Linda asks a surprised Iris. Oh hell. Passive-aggressive girl bullshit.

We see Iris’ face drop because Barry is too sexy beautiful. Everyone wants a taste.

Barry visits his Dad in hospital prison and tells him about girls and the more boring parts of his life, but Daddy Flash casually mentions the coincidence of his stabber’s sentence getting extended. Barry is very bad at denying that he’s the Flash, so Daddy Allen gives a hypothetical speech to the Flash and tells hypothetical Flash that he is hypothetically supportive and proud and wants him to be careful. He fucking knows. Now I just want Daddy Flash and Papa West to fanboy over Barry’s superhero identity together with newspaper clippings and everything. Best dads ever.

Post-Credit:

There are no words for me to aptly describe the crazy ending to “Crazy For You,” so here is a clip:

Easter Eggs:

• “You’re not the only one who understands vibrations.” -Cisco Ramon aka Vibe
• “Faster than a speeding bullet.” I just want Barry to meet Clark Kent.
• Linda Park is usually Wally West’s romantic interest…
• Gorilla Grodd and the scariest scene on The Flash ever, IMHO
• Oh yeah, and this: