Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Proves Michael Bay Does Not Care About You

Very rarely do the things we cherish as youth hold up over time. By the 1980s, the cartoons my generation watched were mostly extended commercials to sell toys. Nevertheless, the lasting ones all seemed to have a good spirit. There were lessons to be learned about teamwork, camaraderie, and leadership. And, then we would go buy some toys.

The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live action reboot is a hollow Makerbot rendering of a movie. It is a garbled pastiche of disconnected pop culture references crudely assembled, as if by not-yet-ready-for-Skynet A.I. trying to calculate the best ratio of human enjoyment vs product placement.

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Why the Bay of Turtles is Not a Failure

So, all of Nerdom is up in arms over the new Michael Bay Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Here’s my stance: “Bring it on.” I am a comic book geek, if you cut me, I bleed four color ink. So, when Hollywood wants to make a movie that’s based on a comic book, I’m all for it.

Listen, I know this TMNT is not “your TMNT.” Heck, it’s not even the Turtles cartoon from the late 80s or the movies from the 90s. It’s not based on Eastman and Laird’s revolutionary vision of four radioactive turtles that were raised by a rat who knew martial arts. No, this is different. And that’s okay.

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