X-Men X-Cess: Adam WarRock Reads X-Men, Part One

October 3, 2013 The Nerds of Color

Originally posted at Adam WarRock’s tumblr page.

I bought a bundle of X-Men Vol. 2 issues, 1-79, and I am going to read them all and blog about them here. Up first:

Magneto…in SPAAAAAAACE

X-Men #1 – Rubicon
I could pretty much tell you what happened in this issue from memory. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve done that hanging out with Chris. Acolytes find Magneto in space; Blue and Gold team Danger room drill. Magnus gets those Genoshan missiles, Magneto/X-Men fight. In fact, if you were making the most completely conventional X-Men story, that probably would be about right. But it’s really hard to express how thrilling it was to read this book as an 11 year old, after spending about two years trudging through the muck and the madness that was Uncanny X-Men — where one team was in space, one team was in Madripoor, some people were in the Savage Land, and the rest were running around being controlled by the Shadow King. To have a simple “Wolverine’s DANGEROUS! Gambit’s SEXY! Cyclops is the LEADER!” introduction was a revelation, and fwiw, I still think this first arc is an awesome read. Plus, those acolytes had that sweet 90s comics armor that everyone seemed to have.

It’s interesting to me how Gambit eventually became an afterthought in the X-Universe, because I’ve counted three moments in this first issue he gets a bad ass moment. He gets to kiss cyborg Jean, he has that amazing card throw panel, and he catches a missile and throws it back at one of Magneto’s acolytes. Oh wait, he gets to jump from the Blackbird on Beast’s shoulders. That’s four. Compare that to Wolverine’s two moments: the claws to the forehead of Professor X, and the sorta fastball special from Beast. And which guy got the movie franchise?

Oh man, I completely forgot about the Moira MacTaggart part of this story, the raising Magneto from a kid and trying to make him normal. Banshee, it’s all her fault.

X-Men #2 – Firestorm
Oh man, first Game Genie ad. That brings back memories. Over 25 Million Lives Will Be Saved! Or something…

As Magneto fights the X-Men, I’d like to once again point out that it’s amazing to me it took them as long as it did for him to rip out Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton. Like, why doesn’t he just do it right now. We ALL thought it, right guys?

“I am Fabian Cortez! A mutant like yourself! Would you like a taste of my POWER?!?” He says. Literally. Before kissing Psylocke sending her into a…psychic overload? Or maybe a guy named Fabian Cortez is just so powerfully sexy, that women can’t handle it.

First Forge sighting. What’s funny to me, is that basically, the yellow jackets they wear have these huge collars. And Forge feels the need to wear a leather jacket on top of that. C’mon Forge.

Say what you will about Jim Lee, but man. He drew Psylocke’s psyblade right.

For those keeping track, this is where Magneto literally takes a seemingly wooden house into space.

And of course, no true X-Men story would be complete without some of the X-Men losing their minds and turning evil.

Also who’s this WHITE Nick Fury?

X-Men #3 Fallout
So yeah, Moira MacTaggart tried to raise Magneto from a child and by adjusting his genetic code, she tried to take the evil out. He’s not happy about this, and has made that pretty clear for the past issue and a half. So here comes the Gold team, or as I called them when I was little, THE BORING TEAM (see: no Gambit, no Wolverine, no Psylocke in bikini, ergo, BORING). And I guess I can start talking about this now, it’s interesting to see the conflict being sprinkled into the first few issues, putting a rift between Scott and Jean, as he sneaks up on her and (creepily) kisses her, and makes a wisecrack about his kiss being better than Wolverine’s. Which he immediately follows with optic blasting her. Is that how you treat your…wife? Girlfriend? I don’t remember what they were at this point.

Also more badass moments for Gambit, he literally BREAKS BANSHEE’S JAW. Do you remember when Gambit broke Banshee’s jaw? Which again, begs the question: Why didn’t every enemy of Banshee just break his jaw? And this issue ends with literally five pages full of jam packed DIALOGUE! What better way to send off Chris Claremont, then with speechifying morality platitudes.Still, like every good X-Men story, the X-Men barely get out with their lives, they are further steeled in their resolve to be good guys, knowing that the evil that not only exists in villains, but those who are just like them (only militant) is waiting out there for them.Up Next: OMEGA RED!