X-Men Apocalypse.

I swore I wouldn’t write a review for the film. Primarily because any review I penned would pale in comparison to the excellent piece penned by my buddy and fellow N.O.C. colleague, Valerie Complex.

Seriously if you haven’t read it, go do so now. Val snatched so many wigs and edges, you would’ve thought Director Bryan Singer and Fox were members of the Charles Xavier Cosplay Appreciation Society.

So why are you reading this review penned by yours truly? Given that this Wakandan Cherokee is also a proud son of the atom and high priest of the Windrider known as Ororo Munroe, the First Lady of Marvel, I had to weigh in.

Sorry/Not Sorry.

After all, X-Men is my story and my legacy. 

The verdict?

[Sighs]

I really wanted to love this movie.

Pulling a Dora Milaje (from Captain America: Civil War), Shipp stole the few scenes she was in with her presence and performance. She was easily the breakout star of the film.

Val called it when she said Shipp got Halle Buried.

Magneto’s wife and daughter got fridged for his angst. So that’s his mother, wife, and daughter who have been brutally murdered for his manpain. Because coming up with something more original would require actual work.

Moving on.

Wolverine got more screentime than Storm and pretty much all of the characters of color. Yes Hugh Jackman is in the film yet again. I’m getting sick of seeing Hugh Jackman’s ass. And this is a person who quite enjoys staring at Hugh Jackman’s ass.

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Moira McTaggart returns and serves no purpose in this film other than to be Xavier’s beard. Sorry m/m slashers. No gay subtext for you.

And Fox is hellbent on making Quicksilver happen. And I kept rolling my eyes as a result. Evan Peters, and for that matter most of the cast, is uber talented and I enjoy his work. This isn’t an attack against him or the other players but how they were utilized in this film.

The setup was almost formulaic of the previous X-Men films, so much so I was feeling like Destiny watching the film. Speaking of Destiny, funny how she hasn’t appeared even though Fox keeps trying to force-feed this bastardized heteronormative version of Katniss EverSmurfette. JLaw is not Mystique. I think she would’ve been a great Jean Grey or Val Cooper. Raven Darkholme, not so much.

Psylocke was also shortchanged. Probably the biggest injustice was the casting. Especially considering the recent controversy of Olivia Munn claiming she did all of her stunts when that was a blatant lie and an insult to the stunt woman who risked her well being to make her look good on screen.

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Oh and look Comicbook.com printed Munn’s lies as fact. I’m shocked that my former employer would do something so heinous. This is my shocked face.

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Then there’s Jubilee. She, like Storm, deserved better. Of course, had Jubilee been around when the action went down it would’ve subverted the good white mutants vs. the evil mutants of color that’s been consistent since First Class.

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This film is definitely on par with X-Men: The Last Stand. The film was all over the place. There were parts that were great and parts that were simply WTF.

And it’s a reminder with the exception of an elite few, white folks are simply not qualified to pen allegories based on black history.

X-Men: Apocalypse would’ve been cutting edge and an amazing film. If the year was 2000. But 16 years have passed, the cinematic landscape (not to mention superhero films) have changed drastically and Singer and Fox are remaking the same movie from the same framework and the same outline like this is the late ‘0s/early 2000s.

Step your game up. Or give the film rights back to Marvel. Or DC. Or someone competent.

In any event, save your money, skip this film, and go watch Rain: the best superhero film released this year thus far. Followed by Batman v Superman: Dawn of Wonder Woman.

X-Men Apocalypse gets a C-. And that’s solely because of the saving grace that is Alexandra Shipp.

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31 thoughts on “Review: X-Men Apocalypse

  1. i agree with you on the awesomeness that is alexander shipp and that a lot of people (jubilee) needed more screen time. one thing i pointed out: why is the entire group that went to the mall are the ones to save the day at weapon x and go fight apocalypse except for….JUBILEE! that is some blatant racism if i’ve ever seen any. totally bogus. but the people of color are not the ONLY x-men i like, in fact my favorite x-man/superhero (not counting wonder woman) is jean motherfucking grey and though she is given little she shines in moments. quicksilver is awesome and cute and funny. need the comic relief. i do think we need a new outlook on the x-men i.e. a new director and producers and writers. first class breathed new life into the series yet that didnt send a message to fox “we dont need singer or wolverine” in fact the opposite happened if you look at the next film lol. never liked wolverine, he will never happen for me and this is someone who owns EVERY SINGLE x-men comic and tv/movie you can think of. he’s that uncle that you accept as part of the family but you always seem to forget invitations to for get togethers. just saying.
    could they movie have been better? most definitely but not without getting rid of their “stars” lawrence (barf) and toomucherine so i’ll do what i do with every movie that has parts i dont like: fast forward! cant wait for the dvd

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are far more tolerant than me. I’m not even interested in the going through the effort of procuring a copy of the DVD. I’ll just glance at it when it comes on cable next year.

      Or not. I still haven’t ever fully watched The Last Stand.

      Singer needs to step down and let someone else take the reins. His take on the X-Men, for the last few movies, has been thoroughly unimaginative.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Agree, Ikeke35. And, I do not care for Singer’s brand. He has these brief flashes of genius but ultimately it doesn’t come together. It’s time to give him the heave ho…time for him to go.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Incidentally, I watched Rain. A little cheesy, but otherwise pretty awesome. That is the one and only way Storm should ever be depicted. With strength, gravity, and poise. I loved that scene of her in bed in the hotel room. That image is straight out of the comic books, during the time she was without her powers.

    So many characters who deserve their own movies, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Storm, Marvel Girl. Hollywood just keeps on remaking the same damn origin stories, featuring straight, white guys, over and over and over. When will it end?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re being a bit harsh on Olivia Munn about the stunt thing. She never said that she did all of her stunts. She said that it was important for her to be ABLE TO do all of them. And all of the articles that claim she said that are referencing a single interview in which the only stunt she discussed was the “car cut”. Which she very well may have done. Munn even posted a picture of her with her stunt double on her Instagram and Twitter account. Hardly seemed like she was trying to cover up the fact that she had one.

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      1. It was read. Which is why it was quoted and linked. The only person who is trying to rewrite facts are you Walls.

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      2. WallsofJericho, last I checked Munn is engaged. You can stop fighting for her honor or lack thereof.

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      3. Yes, because I could only call you on your shit if I’m trying to impress a woman who will never read this. I call shit when I see it. And you’re full of it.

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      4. And yet you’re still here arguing after u flounced because your preshus was called out for being a liar.

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      5. I don’t mean to dis Halle Berry’s version of Storm, but Shipp put this character on a whole new level.

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      6. Furthermore if you believed any of the crap you’re saying you wouldn’t be here trying to derail the discussion and convince us as well as yourself.

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      7. I wasn’t trying to derail anything. My original comment was that you were being a bit harsh on her. You’re the one that got defensive about it. But again, I’m done with this conversation. You can reply if you like, but I won’t be. Have a nice day.

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      8. Munn did not level with us and at some point began to believe her own fudge. Many sources back it up (that she had a stunt double) with pics of her stunt double Julia R. I like Munn, but You gotta give credit where credit is due. She did say that she lost 12 pounds while shooting the picture. Ha Ha ha!

        Liked by 1 person

      9. I don’t even understand why she felt like she had to lie. Lucy Flawless had a team of stunt women while she played Xena, and folks still loved her for her role as TV’s greatest action heroine.

        Just keep it 100.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Ouch!
        P.S.
        Is Aaron Rodgers tryin’ to wife her?
        P.P.S.
        To me, she’s also trying to become the next Meghan Fox if the action hero star thing doesn’t pan out.

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  4. I wasn’t too enthused about seeing this film after reading THE COMPLEX. I was surprised to see how front and center Storm was with Apocalypse (“My Goddess”) and that was a good thing. Shipp has a lot of screen presence, accent was on point and I really like her. More of her please!

    I did like how the opened with the Egyptian connection and VFX and SFX were very on fleek, but I remain confused about two things: The origin of the mutants per the film suggests that they might be “evolved” aliens or have an alien connection rather than being technological “inventions” if you will. Apocalypse was total alien in this film and I liked Oscar Isaac in the role.

    But, overall I can only give this film a C+. It was way too long and yes, scattered and it just did not come together for me. Psylocke was such a disappointment. BLAND. She looked real good, but I did not care for her “costume.” It seemed to restrict her and then she just went MIA. Glad Storm stayed and did what she DID. (Again, it’s a total script problem).

    The whole 80s thing was strange. The timing is all mixed up.

    I am so confused now about Magneto’s kids. So Erik/Quicksilver is is kid by another mother but what of Scarlet Witch/Wanda? And, didn’t Quicksilver get killed in Age of Ultron? That’s why ScarWitch was all by her lonesome in CA: Cvil War?

    So, Xave has a “beard” aye? I do like Rose Byrne but she was kinda underutilized, too.

    Yeah, MAGNETO/Maximoff’s wife and kid got “fridged.” OH WHAT A SURPRISE.

    As for Mystique, I am so sick of overexposed JLaw as Mystique. re-Cast please.

    I did not care for Sophie Turner as the young Jean Grey either.

    And, if I said this already, sorry but Jubilee was Jubileed. What an insult.
    Yes, I agree, please give the rights back to Marvel!
    P.S.
    It was COOL to see Stan Lee and Mrs. Lee in a cameo.
    P.P.S.
    I also liked the music/film score but not a big fan of Bryan Singer—period.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Thanks for that “Walls.” I dislike the differential and I thought X Men was part of the MCU so it all makes sense now. I still don’t like it and It’s way too confusing and DUMB.

    I just looked at the poster used w/ the article and it’s interesting how the Women of Color were used as Poster Candy.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 7 FAST FACTS ABOUT OLIVIA LISA MUNN

    1. She is 35.
    2. She was credited as “Lisa Munn” in the early days of her career.
    3. Her mother, Kim Schmid, is Vietnamese, and her father, Winston Munn, is of English, Scottish, and German ancestry.
    4. She speaks Japanese fluently, which she learned when she lived in Tokyo.
    5. Since May 2014, Munn has been dating NFL quarterback/Green Bay Packers’ Aaron Rodgers (age 32).
    6. Munn just won and received the ‘Jean-Claude Gahd Dam Award’ onstage at SPIKE TV’s 10th ANNUAL GUY’S CHOICE AWARDS last night at Sony Pictures Studios in Culver City, CA.
    7. Her next flick is Office Christmas and she plays “Tracey.” The film co-stars Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, T. J. Miller, Kate McKinnon, Jamie Chung, and Courtney B. Vance. The movie will be released on December 9, 2016 by Paramount Pictures.

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    1. I agree about JLaw I’m all for strong female characters but not if they’re in your face about it every time.

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      1. JLaw is overexposed in more ways than one.
        P.S.
        I found it comical how the camera only showed her northern regions as the au naturel Mystique. LOL
        (What was the movie rating?)

        Just was not buying the Mystique training at the end, either.

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